we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
