Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
