hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
