i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
