All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
