We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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