you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
