don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
