Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
