Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
