i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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