How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
