The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
