We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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