just come out here and I will go home with you...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
