I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
