I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
