Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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