last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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