Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
