Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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