Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My vagina is officially offended.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
