found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
