I accidentally burped into my bong.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
