Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
