What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize