We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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