The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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