Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
