the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
