woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
