drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Life is so much better after having sex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
