Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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