you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize