my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
