Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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