It's just like the Real World with babies
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
