It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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