I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
