What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
