my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
