i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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