these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
