hotel room ftw
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
