those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
