did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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