HIV tests are more positive than that guy
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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