My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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