He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
