My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
