I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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