You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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