i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
