do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
