Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
