I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
