i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If I die, sorry about rent.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
