Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
