What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
