I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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