is your mom at the bar?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
