Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
