So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
