It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
