why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
