Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
