I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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