i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
