So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
