She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
