yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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