Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
