I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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