My first STD was from a foam party
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
