You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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