I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
