Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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