my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
